|
Hi, I'm Angela Evangeline Kwan, more affectionately known as gel and lala. I was born on 27th February 1991. My hobbies include playing the piano, singing, songwriting, baking and shopping. My dream? To start a family, be a loving and understanding wife, an inspiring and authoritative mother, a filial and obedient daughter. Oh, and perhaps to sing the songs that I've written or maybe start some bakery cafe.
My 21st
Part 1Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
New Year's Resolution
Make Mont Blanc Make a difference in someone's life Do something big before I'm 21 (Never did that...) Tone up Visit somewhere new
Links
Blogs I visit in my free time
My kitchen experiments
Archives
April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 June 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012
Affiliates
© Gel 2011 |
The other side of .. ☆ 2011/12/25 First off, Merry Christmas everyone! =) Hope it's been a great christmas for you~Today I had church in the morning and caught up with my church friends while mom chatted with hers over tea. We were talking about relationships and Bernadette said something rather interesting. She said that she wanted to meet the guy who will break her heart and make her fall into depression (ok, maybe not that serious). When Grace and I were curious as to why so, she said that she wanted to experience that feeling so that she could put herself in others' shoes as she has yet to experience that. I guess that's a rather unique way of thinking. Cos I've met that guy. It wasn't horrible or terrible. I just felt really upset and for periods of time, I used fantasy as a form of escapism. Memories were replayed and roleplayed over and over again, with different scenarios, different endings. I felt that it was the only way then, to keep me seemingly fine and smiling at school and at home while crying myself to sleep at night. Puffy eyes were common then. Wells, I could have had some form of depression I never knew cos I never went to any psychaitrist or whatsoever. It wasn't a bad memory. It was a lesson for me. A painful one but through it, I matured, I guess. yet unknown to many, I probably was never as strong as I look. I'm sensitive too. The fear of irritating people has probably heightened my sensitivity, resulting in me saying "sorry" more often to "reduce irritation" and has ended up irritating people even more cos of my constant apologies. I never had many friends. Changing schools could be a reason. Transfering in could be another. Supposed superiority could be another. Insufficient social abilities could be another. I had some friends at some point in time but they usually don't last that long. I guess Kia and Mel are the longest so far..5 years and still going. I don't like people to know of my family background. In general, I have some educators in my family. To others, it seemed as though I could control the education department (which I really have no control over and I don't wish to either..). Preferential treatment? I guess I might have gotten that sometimes. With principals who are on good terms with my relatives, I just didn't want to let anyone know so that I could live like any normal student in school. Perhaps it could be another reason. Yea, I have been very blessed with a decent family, decent family background and all.. But, it didn't determine my social skills. Since young, I had different taste and interest. While people were playing with Barbie dolls, some fo my friends and I were playing with Sylvanian dolls (if you haven't heard of it, it's some atas doll set with house and shops. My collection was worth hundreds of dollars at its peak until I gave them away when I outgrew them). No one in my class was interested in rhythmic gym and my friends had their own friends from their clases. I love dance, yet no one in my class was in dance. Made some new friends during CCA who were more or less equally the lone brave soul in their class who joined the CCA. One of my teacher refused to write me a recommendation letter when I wanted to transfer school. She probably knew. It's probably another escapism but to me, it was another opportunity. Another teacher wrote it for me and I was accepted. Yet I kept it hush-hush and probably only Ringo knew about it on my last day of school. I just vanished from school without informing others. After a while, I still was the only person from my class who's in cheerleading but I wasn't the only one for dance which I was really grateful for. I had more opportunities to become a better leader. I wasn't too sociable but my role required me to. Making the morning announcement was one of my most memorable duties. I did get rather well-known in school cos of that too which is a pity cos I don't really know the rest as well as they knew me. Met "Mr Supposed-to-be Right". The days were joyful until that eventful day. Was "stalked" by a junior too. Only my close friends knew. And the school counsellor cos I went to see her once about it. Still stalked until I graduated. I had Kia and Mel to keep me going, especially Kia. Yes, I somewhat have a fear of guys. I cannot stand it if they enter my personal space unless I'm close to them. It annoys me especially if I'm on the bus, seated at the window seat and the guy next to me sits with legs positioned no smaller than an obtuse angle. I'm afraid of guys coming too close to me. Unfortunately, some guys are on my "caution" list. It's so ironic that I yearn to be loved and yet I'm afraid to accept. 皆さん、来年、何が欲しい？ あたしは来年…男の人が私に恋をしたくない。良い男の人を見つけることができないから。
|